I am in SERIOUS pain....

You know the old saw "No good deed goes unpunished"?
I decided to be a sport and help someone move Saturday.
"No, here, let ME get that big heavy box, I'll just grab it and
ARRRGGHHHHHHGGGHHHHEEEAAAGGHHHH!!!!!!! JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST, I
FUCKING TORE MY ARM OFF!!!!"
"Owwwww!!!"
Time for a trip to the doctor.
Nothing broken.
Good.
How bad can it be?
Partial tear of the posterior deltoid.
Huh? In english, doc, I didn't go to med school.
Partially torn shoulder muscle.
Oh shit.
Will it need surgery? (I just got decent medical, I really don't wanna find out what it WON'T cover yet)
No? Good!
How long will I only have one good arm for?
Two to three months?
Shee-it.
Can I use it at work?
Sure!
It'll just be excruciatingly painful.
Lovely.
Heavy duty muscle relaxants, and some really nice pain stuff,
and I feel like a human being.
I'm absolutely useless on Sunday, basically drooling and incoherent, but hey,
that's not far off the norm for me, right?
I come out of the stupor to watch a bit of TV,
get some sleep, wake up stiffer than a....wait, that sounds dirty.
I awake to shoulder stiffness. Much better.
A few pills, and gee, I feel OK, I can even get some work done, even if my mind is wandering
a bit. I make progress! The pain stuff wears off, and it isn't too horrible. Everything's loose,
and I feel a bit wobbly, but no major pain, just a dull ache.
Splendid! Let's go to the part time gig!
Hmm, it all works OK, no heavy lifting, and I'll be fine.
Mind is sharp, no fuzziness, I'm my usual cheerful self.
"What's that miss? The restroom is locked? No, it's unlocked, trust me.
No? Let me take a look, hmm, the handle is turning, so it's not locked, maybe the door's just
a bit stuck, let me just give it a good shove with my shoulder and AAAUUUUGGGHHHHHARRGGHHHH!!!
HOLY MOTHER......GOD!!! I JUST RIPPED MY.....GOSH....DARNED ARM OFF AGAIN!!"
I REALLY hate not being able to cuss up a blue streak when I'm injured.
I typed this into Word, because the auto spell check will fix anything that's off.
That's because the pain pills are kicking in.
Boy howdy, are they working well.
Did they ever give a Nobel Prize to the guy who discovered Vicodin?
They should have.